I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So vagazzling was a success
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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