Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
