question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
