Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
