Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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