his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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