it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
