All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
