just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
