Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize