I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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