"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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