I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My bed smells like the plague
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
