She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
