Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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