forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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