Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
