Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
