I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
