Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
