they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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