he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
