He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
