I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
