and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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