I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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