Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
