yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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