You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
