When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
