This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
