I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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