I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
