how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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