He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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