let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
