haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
