you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
