U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
