I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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