If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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