so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
