she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
