running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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