He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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