So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
