I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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