Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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