Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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