thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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