I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
