You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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