My friends, they love my intelligence
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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