so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm both gender and math confused
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
