I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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