Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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