she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
