I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
