No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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