There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
