So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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