Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
