Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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