I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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