I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
