Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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