how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
