It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
