You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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