hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
