I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just invented taco cereal.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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