I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
